The Evolution Of Obituaries A Reflection Of Changing Times

The Truth About Writing Obituaries That Actually Get Read

Most people treat obituaries as a chore to rush through before the funeral home hits them with hourly billing. They paste together a generic template, drop in a death date, and call it done. Then they wonder why nobody reads it past the first line. I have written hundreds of these for families, and the ones that actually stick to the walls of newspaper newsrooms are the ones that treat the deceased as a person rather than a checklist of survivors. The format has shifted dramatically over the last forty years. In the 1980s and 1990s, a standard obituary ran about two hundred words. It was a stiff recitation of birth date, education, employment history, church affiliation, surviving family, and service details. That was it. Readers expected formality. Modern readers expect narrative. A well-written obit from 2025 runs between three hundred and five hundred words, often with a specific anecdote that captures who the person actually was.

The Evolution Of Obituaries A Reflection Of Changing Times

The shift started in the early 2000s when newspapers realized that generic funeral notices were generating zero engagement. Editors began asking for more personality. By the late 2010s, digital platforms pushed this further. Facebook memorials, legacy.com pages, and personal blogs allowed families to write longer, more detailed tributes without paying per-word newspaper rates. Print obituaries had to compete with these richer online versions or risk becoming irrelevant. The result is a hybrid model where families write a detailed digital tribute and a shorter print version derived from it. I worked with a family last year where the grandmother had raised twelve children across three states while working as a school nurse. The initial draft listed her occupation as "retired nurse" and mentioned her children in alphabetical order. I suggested they open with the story of how she organized a neighborhood babysitting cooperative during the Reagan-era recession so mothers could work double shifts. That single paragraph made the piece four times more shareable and led to three separate newspaper sections picking it up instead of just the local paper. The family said it was the first time anyone outside their immediate circle actually understood who she was. The biggest mistake is treating the obituary as a legal document rather than a human story. Families obsess over getting every title, degree, and organization acronym correct. This matters less than describing how someone actually lived. A man who spent thirty years fixing cars for free for neighbors in need will resonate far more if you describe him working on a '67 Mustang in his driveway at midnight than if you simply list "member of the Local 798 Auto Workers Union."

Another common error is the survivor list that runs longer than the actual life story. When you list eight children, fourteen grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren in a single sentence, readers' eyes glaze over. Pick the most relevant surviving family and mention the rest in a brief summary line. The same applies to predeceased relatives. Three or four key names is sufficient. Too many turns the obituary into a genealogical register. Church language has also become a major friction point. Writing "passed into the hands of the Lord" or "called home to be with Jesus" works perfectly for families with strong religious communities. But it alienates secular readers and can trigger pushback from editors at papers with diverse audiences. If you are unsure of the family's comfort level, use simpler language like "died peacefully surrounded by family" and let the religious elements appear only if the family explicitly requests them.

Practical Guidelines for Different Platforms

Print obituaries charge by the line or by the inch. A standard column inch in most metropolitan newspapers runs between one hundred fifty and two hundred fifty dollars. A three-hundred-word obituary typically costs between three hundred and six hundred dollars depending on the market. Budget-conscious families should write their full version for free online platforms and submit a condensed two-hundred-word version to the newspaper. Digital platforms like Legacy.com, Ever Loved, and personal memorial pages allow much longer content. You can include multiple photographs, video tributes, and guest books. These platforms also offer analytics, so you can see how many people viewed the page and read the full text. I always recommend writing the comprehensive version first for digital use, then editing it down for print. Social media memorials require a different approach entirely. Facebook and Instagram obituaries perform best when they are personal, conversational, and include a recent photograph rather than a formal portrait. The algorithm favors posts that generate comments and shares, so including a question like "What is your favorite memory of John?" at the end can significantly increase engagement and ensure more people see the tribute.

A Specific Problem I Encountered and How I Fixed It

During the pandemic in 2020, I dealt with a case where the deceased had been isolated for months and most of his extended family lived in other states. The standard obituary format relies heavily on listing close family and local community ties. This man had neither in the traditional sense. His closest relationships were with coworkers from a warehouse and a weekly book club he had attended for twenty years. A conventional obituary would have looked strangely empty. The workaround was to reframe the entire structure around his chosen family rather than his biological one. I wrote the piece from the perspective of his book club, opening with how he would arrive fifteen minutes early on Tuesdays with a thermos of coffee and a stack of library books. The surviving "family" section listed his book club members and a coworker who had helped him during the final weeks. The newspaper initially flagged it as unusual but ran it after I explained the context. It became one of the most commented-on obituaries in that paper's history because it reflected a reality that a growing number of older Americans actually live with.

Advanced Nuances Beginners Miss

One counter-intuitive fact is that omitting certain details often creates a stronger impression than including them. For example, stating someone "never married" can carry unintended negative connotations in conservative markets. It is usually more effective to simply not mention marital status at all unless it is central to the story. The same principle applies to health issues. Writing "died after a brave battle with cancer" is now considered outdated by most style guides. Simply stating the cause of death factually or omitting it entirely is preferred by modern editors. Another nuance is the timing of publication. Newspapers typically run obituaries one to three days after submission, but the exact timing depends on your market. In smaller towns, the obituary page is a finite space, and papers prioritize recent deaths. In larger markets, digital obituaries can run immediately upon acceptance. Always call the obituary desk to confirm their specific turnaround time before making arrangements that depend on publication dates.

When Standard Approaches Fail Completely

There are scenarios where writing a traditional obituary is either impossible or deeply inappropriate. When the death involves suicide, overdose, or a widely discussed criminal case, families often want to avoid the stigma while still honoring the person. In these situations, a very brief statement focusing only on the facts of death and service information is appropriate. Some families choose to publish nothing at all and instead create a private online memorial or hold a small gathering without any public notice. There is no obligation to publish an obituary, and sometimes the most dignified choice is silence. Another edge case involves individuals who were incarcerated, homeless, or otherwise disconnected from traditional community structures. These cases require a careful balance between honesty and dignity. The practical approach is to focus on whatever positive institutional or community connections existed, even if limited. A correctional facility counseling program, a shelter volunteer role, or a single consistent friend can form the backbone of an obituary that respects the person's actual life rather than pretending it was something it was not. The core principle remains the same regardless of format or circumstance. An obituary works when it communicates something true about a human being. Everything else is decoration.