What This Actually Looks Like In Practice
I ran into this framework a while back and started paying attention because it kept coming up in conversations about leadership development. The core idea is simpler than most leadership methods, which is probably why it stuck. You don't need a certificate or a seven-figure program. You need to find someone who has already done the thing you're trying to do and pay attention to how they handle it, not just what they say. At its foundation, this approach challenges the assumption that your mentor has to look like a typical mentor. That means it isn't always a C-suite executive or someone whose LinkedIn profile reads like a who's who. Sometimes it's the person running operations, or the engineer who somehow always knows what's going wrong before anyone else does. The point is competence, not title. Here's how the method actually works when you stop treating it like a concept and start treating it like a process.
Step one: Identify the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Most people skip this and go straight to looking for a mentor. That's backwards. You need a clear definition of what you're missing before you can recognize someone who has it. I spent months looking for leadership guidance before I realized I didn't actually know what kind of leader I was trying to become. The gap wasn't about public speaking or strategic planning. It was about handling conflict without making it personal. Once I named that, the pool of potential mentors shrank to something manageable. Step two: Look for the person, not the brand. This is where most people go wrong. They gravitate toward famous names and popular frameworks. The method asks you to watch people in their natural environment instead. How do they run meetings? What do they do when someone pushes back? Do they admit when they're wrong, or do they pivot? These are observable behaviors. You can map them without ever having a deep conversation with the person. Step three: Ask one specific question at a time. Don't schedule a mentorship arrangement. That creates pressure and usually kills the dynamic before it starts. Instead, ask a single focused question when an opportunity arises. I learned this the hard way after bombing a 30-minute coffee chat with a senior leader I admired. I'd prepared a list of twelve questions and spent the first five minutes apologizing for taking up her time. She gave polite answers and never agreed to another meeting. After that, I switched to asking one question at a time in passing. The quality of the exchanges improved dramatically because each one had a clear purpose.
Step four: Replicate, then adapt. Watching someone handle a situation is only useful if you try doing it yourself afterward. You don't copy their exact words or their exact style. You test the underlying principle in your own context. If the person you're learning from handles a difficult conversation by sitting in silence until the other person fills the space, that might work for them because of their position and history. You need to figure out which part of that technique is actually transferable and which part depends on their specific situation. Step five: Cycle back and repeat. This isn't a one-mentor system. The method assumes you'll draw from multiple people depending on what you're trying to learn. A colleague might teach you how to delegate. Another might model how to give feedback. A former boss might show you how to handle budget conversations. You're collecting pieces, not adopting a single philosophy. There's a practical edge case that most guides about this don't mention. What happens when the person you're learning from is difficult to approach? I dealt with this directly when the best example of conflict handling in my organization was someone who was notoriously private and rarely available. I couldn't just walk up and ask for advice. What worked instead was asking for feedback on a completed decision rather than guidance before making one. I'd present what I'd already done and ask what I should do differently next time. It was less intimidating for them and actually gave me more useful information because I had a concrete example to discuss instead of a hypothetical scenario.
Get the Full Details
Here are some things that usually go wrong when people try this. Over-romanticizing the mentor. You're observing specific behaviors, not adopting a personality. The moment you start thinking the person you're learning from has it all figured out, you stop paying attention to the things you shouldn't copy. Everyone has bad habits. Notice them too. Waiting for permission. You don't need someone to formally agree to mentor you. The method works through observation and occasional questions. Treating it like a formal arrangement adds friction that usually isn't necessary.
Applying everything at once. I've seen people try to adopt three or four different leadership styles simultaneously and end up sounding like a patchwork of other people's opinions. Pick one behavior to work on at a time. Spend a few weeks actually practicing it before moving to the next one. The downsides are worth mentioning because nobody talks about them. This method requires access. If you work in a small organization or a role where you don't interact with experienced leaders, finding someone to learn from becomes genuinely difficult. Remote work makes this harder still since most of the observation happens through informal interactions that don't exist on Zoom. There's also no structured curriculum, which means you're responsible for your own direction. People who thrive on clear frameworks and measurable milestones often struggle with this approach because it's intentionally loose. If you're in one of those situations, consider pairing this with a more traditional mentoring relationship or a structured leadership program. The Deena Martin Method works best as a supplement, not a replacement for every other development resource available to you.
The reason this is gaining traction isn't because it's revolutionary. It's because it removes the gatekeeping that usually surrounds mentorship and leadership development. You don't need the right connections or the right credentials. You need to be observant, willing to ask questions, and patient enough to learn incrementally over time. That's it. The rest is just practice.
