Writing an Obituary That Actually Captures Someone
Obituaries are one of those things everyone has to write at some point and almost nobody is prepared for. I've helped draft more than a few over the years, usually for people who served in public roles, and the hardest part isn't the formatting — it's knowing what to leave out. The pressure to include everything creates a document that reads like a resume instead of a reminder of who the person actually was. When someone has lived a long life with substantial public or community involvement, the instinct is to list every position held, every award received, and every organization they touched. That approach produces a document no one finishes reading. A better path is to anchor the obituary around a few defining threads — service, family, and the specific impact someone had on their community — and let the details support those themes rather than dominate them. Start by gathering the essential facts: full name, date of birth, date of death, place of death, and immediate surviving family members. These go in the opening paragraph and should be stated plainly. Then move into the biography section, which is where most people struggle. Instead of a chronological dump, pick two or three periods or roles that defined the person and describe them with enough specificity that readers understand what the person actually did. Vague statements like "was dedicated to their community" tell you nothing. "Served on the county planning commission for twelve years and chaired the zoning review board for five of those" tells you everything.
One problem I ran into recently involved a veteran whose family wanted the military service highlighted but kept providing conflicting dates between the discharge papers and the DD-214. The workaround was straightforward — I asked for the DD-214 directly rather than relying on secondhand family summaries, verified the dates against the service number, and noted any discrepancies in the draft so the family could clarify before publication. Getting the military details exactly right matters because other veterans and their families will be reading it, and they will notice errors. The service section should include where the funeral or memorial will be held, whether donations are preferred in lieu of flowers, and any predeceased family members. This is practical information that people actually need, so keep it clear and unembellished. Avoid religious or cultural specifics unless the family has explicitly requested them. Assuming anything about beliefs or practices based on a name or background is a common mistake that causes real offense. Length matters more than people realize. Most newspaper obituary sections charge by the line or by the inch, and family members often have no idea how much they're committing to spend. A well-written obituary that covers the essential points typically runs between 250 and 500 words. Anything beyond that usually belongs in a tribute article or a private memorial program, not the public notice. If the person has an unusually extensive record, consider writing a longer companion piece for a local publication or online memorial platform where length restrictions don't apply.
A counter-intuitive point worth noting: including flaws or struggles can make an obituary feel more human and memorable, but this requires careful judgment. Mentioning a period of illness, a career change, or a personal challenge should serve the story, not undermine it. The rule of thumb I use is simple — if the detail helps someone understand the person better, include it. If it exists only because the family feels obligated to be "completely honest," it probably doesn't belong in a public document. Grief makes people want to strip away everything negative, and that's fine, but it's worth being intentional about rather than accidental. Another common pitfall is the excessive use of formal titles and honorifics. "The late and beloved Dr. Reins Sturdivant, who served with great distinction as..." loses impact quickly. "Reins Sturdivant served as a physician in rural Alabama for thirty years" carries more weight because it's direct. The tone should match the publication. A local newspaper wants something accessible. A professional journal or organization newsletter can handle more formal language. Know your audience before you write. Proofreading an obituary is harder than it looks because your brain auto-corrects familiar names and dates. Read it backward, sentence by sentence, to catch errors you would otherwise miss. Verify every date against primary documents — birth certificates, marriage licenses, military records — rather than trusting memory or family lore, which is often inaccurate across generations. I've seen obituaries published with the wrong birth year because a family member recalled the decade incorrectly, and correcting it after publication is embarrassing for everyone involved.
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There is no single template that works for every obituary, and no download link or form will produce something that feels right. What works is taking the time to understand the person, writing honestly, and getting the facts straight. The rest follows from there.
